P357 Teletext 357 Dec15 22:41:11 1/7 We open in a man's bathroom. In the bath lies Sylvester, our incompetent presenter. He is wearing a face-pack. SYLVESTER: (seductively) Hi girls... (reluctantly) and guys. Welcome to Bhs Gift Helptext. Pages & pages of great Christmas gift ideas for everyone you know. Suddenly a yellow plastic duck in the bath speaks to us. DUCK: If you spend over £60 in one go on men's and women's wear by the 23rd December, you get 20% off.
P357 Teletext 357 Dec15 22:43:20 Bhs GIFT HELPTEXT 2/7 In the kitchen the Bh-ETTES are singing Bh-ETTES: (sung doo-wop style) Wherever you are on your Christmas List The Gift Helpline just can't be missed SYLVESTER: (formally) Gifts for wives and girlfriends ... Bh-ETTES: (sung) Listen boy, I'm really special So don't you dare give me a kettle.. SYLVESTER: What they'd really love is tartan pyjamas in soft brushed cotton, snuggly towelling dressing gowns, novelty teddy bear slippers, satin camisoles & matching knickers in many colours, satin chemises, suede and leather gloves, leather purses & bags, a range of dressing table accessories, a Poinsettia plant in a decorative basket, a follower candle, an Oriental 16-piece dinner set, or towel bales (in a variety of colours), or scented taper candles. All subject to availability.
P357 Teletext 357 Dec15 22:41:06 Bhs GIFT HELPTEXT 3/7 SYLVESTER: Gifts for difficult men ... Bh-ETTES: (sung) There's 40 sets of handkerchiefs in my drawer. Get me something different 'cos my nose is getting sore... SYLVESTER: Here's some ideas you can be sure they'll like. Patterned waistcoats, shirt & tie boxed sets, plain & patterned knitwear, multi pack socks, multi pack boxer shorts, boxed accessories including patterned braces, a warm towelling dressing gown, cartoon favourites on waistcoats, socks, ties and sleepwear, or a mini car vacuum, or gifts for golfers including golfing ties and golfing boxershorts. All gifts subject to availability.
P357 Teletext 357 Dec15 22:42:16 Bhs GIFT HELPTEXT 4/7 SYLVESTER: Gifts for odd relatives and friends... Bh-ETTES: (sung) I'm either a friend or I'm very odd But buy me nothing you're on your tod SYLVESTER: What they'd really like for Christmas are some pretty accessories for a dressing table, towel bales in a variety of colours, natural or Christmas towelling robe bales, a leather purse, or a bag or a pair of gloves in leather or suede, an Oriental 5 piece tea set, or how about a Pot Pourri picture, novelty socks and slipper socks in a range of seasonal patterns or cartoon characters, an executive decision maker, or a magnetic crossword puzzle, or glassware sets start from £2.99, or novelty egg cups and salt and pepper sets. Subj to Avail
P357 Teletext 357 Dec15 22:42:12 Bhs GIFT HELPTEXT 5/7 SYLVESTER: Gifts for under £10 ... Bh-ETTES: (sung) I'm your friend not a tub of lard Don't I deserve more than a card? SYLVESTER: ...What about an Oriental 5 piece tea set, a Vacuvin Rapidice Wine Chiller, two festive Christmas mugs or a pizza pan set, woolly gloves or Novelty Socks and slipper socks in a range of seasonal patterns or cartoon characters, or glassware sets start from £2.99, gold moon and star drinks coolers or gold star napkins, or Opulence candle sticks, or novelty egg cups and salt and pepper sets, a joke book, or gifts for bath time like loofah brushes, back scrubs and massagers, foot massagers, or sea urchins and nets of shells. All gifts subject to availability.
P357 Teletext 357 Dec15 22:44:31 Bhs GIFT HELPTEXT 6/7 SYLVESTER: Gifts for kids ... Bh-ETTES: (sung) Give me loads of presents & let me play If you want some peace on Boxing Day SYLVESTER: What they'd really like for Christmas are party waistcoats for boys or party dresses for girls, magic tricks in a matchbox, singalong tapes, or fun snow-topped antlers, or Forever Friends - sleepwear and underwear, Thomas the Tank Engine T-shirts and casual wear, or slipper socks, while older children will prefer our Unison Bandits range. Plus a wide choice of fun toys and stocking fillers from the Bhs Christmas Shop. All gifts subject to availability.
P357 Teletext 357 Dec15 22:49:21 Bhs GIFT HELPTEXT 7/7 We cut back to Sylvester who is now towelling himself dry. SYLVESTER: Gifts for me...Sylvester .. .. (dreamily) ...a big house with jacuzzis & mirrors on every ceiling; a BMW ... no, two BMW's; a harem in St.Kitts ... and St.Lucia; ... ahhh yes to die for. As Sylvester emerges from the bathroom, dressed only in the smallest of bluey- white towels, an old lady shouts through his letterbox ... OLD LADY: Stock subject to availability-it is Christmas, remember. Sitting down to his meal with the Bh-ETTES, they all shout back: ALL: Merry Christmas!!
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